What’s driving your depression may not be what you think

When we think of depression, we often think of sadness, heaviness, numbness or feeling disconnected from ourselves and from life.

For many people, that's exactly how it feels.

Then there can be the other part of it - the belief can play out that we somehow should be able to pull ourselves out of it. That if we were more motivated, stronger or simply tried harder, things would change.

Unfortunately, that belief often becomes part of the cycle itself.

So, what if we could look at this a little differently?

From the perspective of Body Psychotherapy, it can be helpful to become curious about what depression might be protecting us from.

After all, when we depress something, we push it down.

We hold it in.

We don't allow it to fully expand or be expressed.

Many of us have spent much of our lives doing exactly that with our emotions. We learned, often from a very young age, which feelings felt safe to express and which ones didn't.

For some people, one of those emotions is anger.

Perhaps it wasn't safe to show.

Perhaps it was punished, criticised or met with shame.

Perhaps there simply wasn't room for it.

So instead of being expressed, it became something we learned to suppress and keep inside under lock and key.

Instead of exploding at the world, we become very good at containing ourselves.

We disconnect.

We go numb.

We lose touch with parts of who we are.

Now I’m certainly not saying that everyone experiencing depression is walking around full of a deeply hidden rage that’s driving it - depression is complex, and there are many different experiences and contributing factors.

However, some people may find that there is an unexpressed anger, rage and resentment, a powerful life force energy, that has been turned inward on the self.

This is often a pattern that has been developed so gradually over time that we don't have conscious awareness of it. We simply know that we feel stuck, exhausted and disconnected, despite trying everything we can to feel better.

The invitation here is to become curious about what might be happening beneath the surface.

What emotions have never had space to be felt?

What parts of yourself have had to stay hidden in order to survive?

You might find some sadness, some grief, some fear.

And sometimes there is anger that has never had a safe place to exist, but it can feel really scary to go there.

This is where Body Psychotherapy may be able to help.  

We don't force these emotions to appear, nor do we encourage people to act them out, but we also don’t shy away from them.

Instead, we create a safe, contained therapeutic relationship where whatever is present can gradually emerge at its own pace.

As awareness grows, the body often begins to release old protective patterns that are no longer needed. Over time, this can create more capacity to feel, to connect, and to move towards a way of living that feels more authentic and alive.

Depression is never "just one thing" but when we can be curious enough to explore beyond the surface, we may be able to initiate some healing in ourselves.

As a good friend of mine taught me many years ago: “ask a different question”.

Instead of: “what’s wrong me?” or “why can’t I figure this out”

Try: “What might my body be trying to protect me from” or “what might this actually be giving me?”

Though our conscious mind does not desire this thing, our unconscious often has a compelling reason to continue playing it out.

Asking a different question might just get you closer to finding that reason and stepping out of that pattern for good.